Comfort Queen » yoga

Choose Your Life Mondays #24

Jennifer — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 07:01:13 +0000

Choose Your Life Monday is an invitation to name what pattern you will lovingly notice this week and to do so in community. Of course, you can do it any day you want- you don’t have to start on Monday. Join in when and whenever suits you.

June is crazy busy around here.

talking about self-care on behalf of a big huge wonderful company to big huge media
a retreat with my beloved Brain Trust
a family reunion with my beloved’s family in Oregon
being a single mom for next three months
getting my daughter ready to go to Mexico for a language immersion and service project (this for a kid who has never done a sleep-over camp)
preping a workshop for the Romance Writer’s of America conference – self-care for the published author
writing the novel that seems to be coming
gratefully hanging with the Comfort Cafe where we’ll be talking about (thank God) taking simple action on one desire and Lisa Sonora Beam will join us for her take on how to do that.

Oh the Squirrel is in heaven!

Things to do!

Lists to make!

Bags to pack, planes to catch, people to woo.

Reasons to feel self-important.

Meanwhile, the one who is afraid of being imperfect

wants to eat gluten-free cookies and read People of the Whale and hide under the covers, way under the covers.

I spend a lot of my time swinging between being creatively adventuresome, putting myself way out there, and hiding.

Hiding? Really?

Yes!

How do I hide?

Oh lots of ways. One of my favs? Hanging out in the territory of I’m-About-to-Figure-it-All-Out.

Otherwise known as when I do figure it all out, things are going to be so easy. I’ll never feel stressed again. I’ll never doubt my work or its effectiveness again. I’ll never try to cram too much into one day again. Not after I figure it all out. What would it be? Ah, that is the golden question!

Sometimes, for variety, I visit the country right next door instead, the land of If I Could Just.

As in… if I could just do something easier and just focus on that – just be a fiction writer, just be a painter, just travel the world with my beloved, just nurture the Comfort Cafe, just garden, just do yoga.

The tempting country of If-I-Could-Just shares a border with the fiefdom “I’ll chuck it all and go ____.” That’s where, when the anxiety of creating their lives gets to be too much, people go around saying, “I’ll chuck it all and go live in an ashram” or “I’ll chuck it all and open a B&B on the coast”or “I’ll chuck it all and go write novels.”

I can spend hours and days hiding in these places.

Traveling here helps me manage my anxiety, the anxiety that comes from living my life at the edge of my abilities.

We all have our favorite comfy ways of managing our anxiety.

The question is, are you managing yours in ways that help you or hinder you?

This Week

I’m going to lovingly notice when I take a trip to the land of “If I could just” and I’m going to bring myself back to my body. My breath.

I’m going to look at this picture of me in 1970 and delight in her wide open presence.

I’m going to check in with God and hear I am utterly okay no matter what.

I’m going to dedicate my efforts to a child in our community who is very ill and all parents fighting much more real fears than my fear of being imperfect.

And I’m going to plan my days the night before and keep resisting the lure of adding in one more thing because just you never know today I might be super human.

(Another country I visit often – the super human I can work non-stop for fifty hours producing original creative work land.)

What about you? What pattern or story will you lovingly notice this week?

Creating Your Own Retreat

Jennifer — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 22:44:06 +0000

To get to my studio where I am writing this, I walk out my back door and across a small deck, and into another small building.

I always pause and feel the fresh air on my face, look at the sky, notice the trees and the birds, and I am always, always buoyed with perspective, gratitude and love of the natural world.

Oh, it is so good to be alive.

Just a moment ago, walking across the deck, I was overcome with joy at the idea of hundreds of people preparing to retreat this weekend.

Maybe right at that very moment!

Jeweled souls in a connected heart web stretching around the globe – from Bainbridge Island to London to Little Rock to Israel curling around to New Zealand…

Oh, my heart beats faster just thinking about it!

(And if you are reading this and you are not partaking of the Virtual Retreat, I invite you to take a few minutes for a mini-retreat this weekend and tap into the love. You are part of the jeweled web, too. But of course!)

Some thoughts on what to do between Virtual Retreat Sessions:

I wrote about this a lot in the How to Retreat e-book that comes with the retreat (it’s in the members area – and your user name and password are in the confirmation email you received.)

And I wanted to add a few more things because I love to talk about this stuff (I wrote a book about it after all) and because I got this helpful email from Linda – whom I love (she’s attended several of my live retreats and gave me my favorite pair of earrings ever) and here it is:

I’m starting to get really excited about the virtual retreat! Mike’s being so supportive and encouraging: “Let’s get the house and your studio all organized and calmed so you can have a real retreat.” Gotta love that guy! So, I do have a few questions. (No surprise, I’m sure!)

For example, will you suggest ideas for possible activities that participants can to during the in-between-speakers time? Denise and I have talked about doing our vision (or dream) boards over some of the time.

And I have other thoughts such as working on writing projects–maybe even topic-related prompts–just to reinforce what we’re hearing. Another idea was to work on art projects just to stay in the zone rather than return to the mundane world during speaker-less times. Even a walk outside (for those of us without snow!) could serve to reinforce a thoughtful presence. You’ve probably already thought of all of this and covered it, but it’s been on my mind so I figured I’d share! Looking forward to spending time with you!

Thank you Linda for sharing a little bit about what you are up to and yes, I have some ideas in that e-book for what to do between sessions…

And the main thing I want to say about what to do between session is:

listen to and follow your healthy instincts, follow what you want

A retreat is about giving yourself the spaciousness to be, to check-in with you, to kindly find yourself where you are right now (my sessions throughout the retreat will help you do this) and that is true even if you simply listening into one session and taking an hour off for you afterward (and saving all the other sessions for some other retreat as you’ll have all those recordings and transcripts).

So yes, have lots of goodies and ideas on hand but know that you won’t get to many of them or you might dip into all of them, either way, it’s about listening. Being. Taking a finding yourself pause.

And here’s what I might to between session – just possibilities:

Ask myself often, “You are on retreat. What would you love to do now?”

Make notes after the sessions about my thoughts and insights

Move more slowly

Make a pot of soup slowly, smelling the aromas

A few restorative yoga poses – I like Yoga Nap as a guide

Art journaling – explore my intention question and holding the space for all of you in color and collage

Read Hafiz’s poetry slowly

Chant with iMantra my new I-phone App

Meditate for longer than usual

Listen to Amy Weintraub’s Yoga Nidra before bed

Put on wild music and dance, dance, dance

Do Dance of Shiva

Sip tea and be

How are you going to weave and celebrate your retreat? Even if only a few moments here and there, a session or two?

We are all here to support each other on the blog all weekend!

The Not Quite Daily Dollop Newsletter

Jennifer — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 05:11:34 +0000

The last few days have been hectic ones in my house as we prepared for our first blending of Bob’s family and mine–from brunch through dinner. I’m utterly heart blasted by the love and care everyone gave to each other–from my daughter Lilly making a slide show with pictures of everybody in our “old” and “new” family to the tune of Jack Johnson’s “Everything’s Better When We’re Together” to the divine food Bob, my mom, and others made to the genuine connections.

Even all the dogs played nice.

It was the true spirit of Christmas: being our kindest, most patient selves. Tending the light in the midst of the dark. Accepting what is here now and being grateful for the miracle of love. Tender, imperfect, sweet and glorious.

And I’m exhausted. So I’m declaring today “Mini-Retreat Day” and asking you if a few hours–or even minutes–relaxing and recharging is appealing to you?

Note I did not ask if you thought it was possible to take some time alone. First connect with your desire.

Do you desire some time alone this weekend to rest?
Do you desire a walk alone in the woods and then some time by the fire or in the sun writing or drawing in response to, “When in the last week did I feel most alive? When did I feel least alive? What am I most grateful for? What am I ready to forgive myself for? What am I ready to celebrate myself for?”
Do you desire a few hours to art journal or read and scribble poetry or call a friend you’ve lost touch with (I chatted with my friend Jodie, we haven’t spoken much in the last two years, today and it was wonderful.)
Is your yoga mat calling to you? Or a novel? Or knitting? Or?

Let that desire draw you to it, let it part the waters of “But I should” or “I have to” and “But if I don’t…”

Come home to yourself this weekend, even if only for a few minutes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P.S. This is your last chance to get on the preferred buyer’s list and save 50% on the The Comfort During Uncertain Times Virtual Retreat: Finding Calm, Confidence and Contentment no Matter What. I’ve created a world class line up of teachers and lots of extra goodies so that you can actually make a real retreat for yourself, in the midst of your daily life, January 16th- 19th. Info here.

Comfort During Fearful Times: Election Hang-Over

Jennifer — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 21:40:16 +0000

I took two naps yesterday.

I could barely form a thought, let alone write a blog post.

I felt little down. And I felt guilty and weird about feeling let down. But then in the afternoon, coaching a writing client, we were talking about how fighting yourself never works and I thought, “That’s what I’ve been doing all day. Fighting myself for being let down and exhausted.”

So I stopped and noticed I was let down, exhausted and wanting to hide from the world. And I didn’t, as the amazing Havi says, let that impress me. I gave myself some time to cry and snuggle and just notice. And then I read Naomi who always makes me feel hopeful. Then I went to the library and got some good novels to read when I finish Kathleen Norris’s great book. And hugged Bob and the dogs a lot. And Karen sent me this blog post which also helped.

Then in my writer’s group last night, Margaret said, “I couldn’t settle today. I kept feeling something should happen.” That made me feel less alone. Which is always good.

Then she went on to say that she wished the U.S. did things like her native U.K., “There’s a moving van waiting at the back door of 10 Downing Street to take the old guy out as the new guy’s moving in at the front.”

We have to wait 74 more days give or take a day I might have lost while napping.

I have an idea: let’s not wait. As Lisa said on Twitter “Can you take this breathless moment of shared hope and exhale it into our tomorrows?”

Let’s start exhaling now.

Let’s exhale our shared hope in small and vital ways and start preparing the way for the new year. Let’s work on our courage and resilience and vision so we’re ready to be part of the change. Let’s clear out the old within ourselves, our habits, our beliefs so we can have the energy and courage to help.

Because watching history being made on Tuesday, I kept thinking, “I want to be that great, too.” Which may sound flamingly ego-mad crazy but isn’t that what great leadership and authentic hope can do, inspire us toward our own greatness?

Let’s begin to ask my favorite question from Viktor Frankl, “What purpose can I make of my life today?” Let’s ask it everyday. Not to find the answer but to allow the question to guide us. (You know I love questions!)

Are you yearning to express your greatness?

If so, what one thing might you love and accept about yourself in this moment so your greatness can shine?

I’d be honored to hear.

And finally, that story I promised you

in what now seems like a different century about the power of moving your body.

Last year I led a weekend retreat centered around rest and inner listening and it included a fair amount of movement with the totally embodied and inspiring Camille Maurine. The participants had come hoping to recapture a spark of joy, a sense of themselves free from “shoulds” and to-do lists. The movement exercises turned out to be the most challenging part of the retreat for a number of the women—and the most life-changing.

In the first exercise, I asked the group to ask their bodies (not their minds) to show them what their everyday life felt like. The circle exploded into hopping, running, grabbing, marching, and slumping. Then we came to a pause, breathed, and noticed how this felt.

Next I asked the group, “What does your sacred pause look like?” It looked like this: graceful swaying, arms opening and extending, breath slowing and deepening. The contrast was startling. But as we continued the exercise with different questions and expressions, I saw one group member, Kit, bolt from the room and several other women who were barely moving.

At a break, I found Kit on a bench overlooking the city. “How are you?” I asked. “Scared,” she said. “It feels like there is this roar inside of me. I want to let it out, but I’m afraid what might happen if I do.” We talked about giving herself permission, being kind to herself, taking it at her own pace—the most important advice when befriending the body’s wisdom.

Walking back to my cabin later, I marveled at how convincingly real our fear can feel, how seemingly impenetrable in its accumulation. Not just a box but a fortress. I asked Camille, “What are we so afraid of?”

Consciousness is a great mystery,” Camille said. “That we can be aware of our own existence is a marvel, but consciousness is also a mixed blessing. Awareness of being alive brings awareness of death, and the more aware we are, the more we feel. Movement brings us smack into contact with that wonder and awe—through sensation, through the breath—and that can be a scary awakening.”

The retreat unfolded beautifully: movement, journaling, and silent time outdoors slowly worked miracles, peeling away our layers of fear, rushing, and self-judgment. I noticed how much younger we all looked, and how much more laughter filled the center. We were discovering how thrilling it is when we reclaim our juice for living, our very life force, when we open our arms to ourselves and abandon our somatic ruts.

After dinner on the second day, Elizabeth told me this story:

When you asked us to move the first morning, I froze. I didn’t want to look stupid or stand out. But then I had an experience that changed everything. I took a walk after our class, and the young girl who lives here joined me. We stopped to watch a horse being shod, and she brought me a handful of flowers and said, ‘I am so lucky to live here!’ As she said this, her body dipped into a squat and popped up again—spontaneous movement! I thought, ‘This child didn’t wonder how to express herself or whether it was acceptable. She just moved.’

Later, in Camille’s class, when she asked us not to move until the impulse came from within, I thought of that girl. I sat frozen for five minutes, determined not to move until my body was ready, reliving every awkward moment of my teenage years, all the times I had learned to physically shut down. When the impulse finally came, it was so exhilarating. My body was breathing me. It was like my mind was a bystander, and as I watched, it was my body telling me stories. As it finished one, I’d get quiet and still, and then another story would pour out. It was breathtaking.”

To the power of love, change, hope, courage and moving our bodies!

Comfort During Fearful Times: Getting Out the Pre-Election Jitters

Jennifer — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 18:43:26 +0000

When I get scared, I stop moving, which makes me feel much less comfortable and much more afraid.

This is the first part of an essay originally published in Body+Soul a few years back. It popped into my mind during yoga because I was so proud of myself for being on my mat again, for just five minutes. Especially today when all I want to do is surf news sites.

It’s mid afternoon

and I’m feeling the itch to move my body, but instead I return phone calls, wipe the kitchen counter, sort my daughter Lilly’s school papers. I haven’t really moved in almost two weeks and I’m in “the box,” a place of parched fear, scratchy over-analyzing, and tart self-judgment.

I find myself here about five or six times a year, whenever I allow life to push me faster than I can keep pace spiritually and emotionally or whenever fear burbles in the background and I won’t stop to see what it wants. Then I narrow my focus to the bandwidth of “just get it done,” and when I lift my head, I find I’m in need of a major blast of passion and perspective but afraid to move toward it. The longer I’m in the box (or on the gerbil wheel or in the washing machine, pick your metaphor), the more tight and fearful I become.

I know what will free me and what will certainly comfort me:

allowing my body, not my mind, to move. Not to burn calories or tone my thighs or perfect a yoga pose but to shake and holler and swoop and let the energy move through me. Conscious movement (anything from free form funky yoga to whirling and wailing to Dance of Shiva) moves the stuck energy of holy-hell-what-if and judgments and hurry-up-freak-out so there is a little bit of space for ahh…

I’m okay right now.

Here I am.

Ahhh…. now what do I need right now to take care of myself?

The simplest thing I can do when I am afraid is to move but because it means feeling and letting go, I do everything but move

Tomorrow: a story to inspire you to move from one of my retreats. In the meantime, why not step away from your computer right now and stretch your arms over head and sigh. Wiggle your hips. Look for something in your environment that gives you pleasure. Ahhh…

We are all feeling the tension of the impending election and we can so easily hold that tension in our bodies in ways that make us tired and grumpy and more fearful. Why not let loose today- even just a teeny bit feels so good!