I love your comments. I read them with glee.
My jaw often drops as I read them - how smart you are, how insightful, how aware.
Some of my friends with big famous blogs tell me they often get mean comments, and I always tilt my head in wonderment.
Huh? I don’t. My readers are thoughtful. Together, we are grappling with our stuff.
(And who has the time to write a mean comment? Find them and send them over to my house, please. I’ll give them something better to do – how would you like to plan a 13-year-old boy’s birthday party? Or perhaps a pile of filing would be more to your liking?)
The kind of comment I do get is this kind: insightful, bracingly honest, dig deep, grapple with truth, like this one from Gena on my last post about being stupefied:
I thought it was ok to just “BE” and to “DO” nothing. Why are you worrying about everyone else’s good time? Maybe some people can just cruise for the sake of cruising…they do not need an agenda 0r plan …Believe it or not – some people live without expectations – I do like what you have to say most of the time but there seems to be some inner conflict going on – what you say vs. how u really feel & it comes across in these posts. I mean no harm, I am just sharing here.
Gena, thank you. This is exactly the kind of conversation I want to use this blog for – yeah!
First, let me say if I have ever appeared to have it all together or be the kind of woman who wears purple velvet capes and wafts everywhere, followed by a cloud of calming incense, smiling beatifically, I’m sorry.
Because I’m almost as much of an Angst Queen as a Comfort Queen.
Ever heard the phrase, “We teach what we most need to know?”
I teach comfort as foundation for expressing our creative voice because I need to learn it, over and over, again.
So yes, there is some inner conflict going on in me (just some). I am not always able to practice all the good ideas I write about.
I am a petri dish of inner questioning.
I’ve been this way – half wise, half eating my own tail, since I was little.
I believe the essential quest given to us all is to become fully ourselves.
Therefore, (albeit sometimes reluctantly) I cherish my questioning self, the part of me that wanders around a cruise ship asking questions like,
Are these people happy? Do they like playing bingo? Do they like lectures about shopping for jewelry in port? Why do they want jewelry? Is that very cheery cruise director really that happy? Is it hard to be professionally happy day in and day out? What is it like to be on a ship for most of your life? Does everybody sleep with everybody else? Is it fun? Is it lonely? Why do people drink soda?
And so on.
I live in wide eyed wonder at this tender weirdness called being alive and, sometimes, I want to understand it far too much.
That’s me.
Inner conflict and all.
Thanks for asking!
11 responses so far ↓
1 Tweets that mention Being Alive: Such Tender Weirdness » Comfort Queen -- Topsy.com Sep 25, 2009
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by jenlouden. jenlouden said: A post in which I make it clear I do not wear purple velvet and waft everywhere http://bit.ly/tEwKd [...]
2 DeBorah Beatty Sep 25, 2009
Excellent post – I so can relate with the “Angst Queen” line. I spend most of my days “ducking” around – you know, calm and serene above the water and below, paddling like hell to get anywhere. I also do not wear purple velvet (they usually don’t make it in my size or style) and wafting. I don’t waft – I stride and I encourage others to stride with me.
You go, girl! Kudos on the post.
3 Desiree Bryan Sep 25, 2009
Ahhhh… Thank you! I’ve been caught between secretly thinking it was just me and knowing that the mark of a true professional is someone who has created the space for themselves to be able to practice over and over what they need to practice. Now when clients insist I couldn’t possibly understand because I’m so impossibly happy and optimistic – I’ll just refer them here. Beautifully written!
4 Sue | AbundantMama Sep 25, 2009
You are so real. I love your stuff.
5 Sarah Sep 25, 2009
There are worlds within us. (I don’t know who said that, but it’s true.) Someone somewhere (I also don’t know *that person’s* name…ha!) writes a blog where they write passionately on one topic…and then turn around and write just as passionately about the other side of that topic. Do you know who I’m talking about?
Anyway, I’m just a big ball of contradictions myself. And as a web publisher, I have to face that all the time. I think we all do.
6 Kate Sep 26, 2009
“Why do they want jewelry?”
Heh, this fills my mind every time I walk past a jewellery shop. And crafty markets and things. The sheer amount of jewellery out there to be bought breaks my head a little. There’s so *much* of it! Why? Why do people want so much jewellery? Or why do so many people want jewellery? I feel that I must be a little alien that something so ubiquitous seems so weird to me. And you know, the more jewellery is on display, the less interested I am in any of it. If there were five rings available I’d be more likely to fall in love with one of them than when there are thousands.
7 deb Sep 26, 2009
I agree about the little worlds inside.. though I would watch to whom that gets repeated lol..
I’ve been thinking along similare lines in my relationship for a while.
I’m almost 51 years old with hormones begining to wane and dissatifaction with my current life biting at my heels… I marvel at how clearly I see I am in love-hate relationships every where I turn.
8 char Sep 26, 2009
Your honesty and willingness to say “this is me” in a non-defenisve way is so refreshing to me.
Some may have taken that comment from Gena and gotten huffy with it – I can see myself feeling like “obviously I didn’t make myself clear . . . ” and I’d start re-explaining what I “really meant”.
Fact is that the angst queen part of you is just as much a part of your picture as the comfort queen – both equally held with love and compassion – though sometimes the experiences may be pretty intense especially on the angst angle of things.
I just love how you’re able to be with your inner life in such a humble, authentic way – it’s something that I continue to work with in my own “petri dish”.
9 Jennifer Sep 26, 2009
Just so you all know, I read your comments again and again and treasure them.
Sarah – is it you? Who is it? Me? I feel dumb.
Thank you Char for holding my tender weirdness with care. I like the way you see my Angst Queen. Helps me be kinder about that part of me.
Kate, I feel like you do about jewelry about almost all things. Why do people shop and buy stuff? STUFF – have never gotten it. (That said, I would really like some new clothes
10 cindy Sep 26, 2009
Jenn- i just appreciate you being yourself. i have always appreciated your authenticity and transparency. the world needs more of it. sending love and a hug! cindy
11 Mary Sep 26, 2009
Oh, Jen, this is exactly why you’re a writer! This wonderful curiosity you have. Those questions you were asking yourself as you observed others on the cruise? That curiosity leads to some great writing that others want to read. And part of who you are is exactly the kind of person who cares enough to wonder whether or not the people you love are having a good time.
We don’t need to change these things about ourselves. We only need to balance them. Balance care of others with care of ourselves.
And, as you’re learning to do this and being so honest with us about it, we’re learning, too!
Thank you!