At the Comfort Cafe and with a couple of clients this week, a very interesting subject came up which is…
Wanting to take an expensive program or attend an expensive retreat and not being able to afford it.
So what’s interesting about that?
Our stories about what those retreats and programs would do for us.
As in…
If we could only afford this $6000.00 retreat or that $100,000 mastermind program, then we could finally create ________ and be happy/ successful / and know the secret.
What was interesting was how fast we bought into the idea we would be saved.
Of course, I believe in the power of retreats (I wrote a book about them! I offer retreats and have for like a million years!) and I’ve gone to friggin’ coaching school.
I believe in support in a big big big way.
All good.
But what isn’t good is if we invest in a retreat or mastermind group or in individual coaching hoping we will be fixed or saved.
And if we equate paying a lot with having an even better chance of being saved – yikes!
Of learning THE ONE WAY – the more easy or powerful or best way – to do our businesses or our lives – the exclusive way – double yikes!
Here’s what I think:
If you buy anything out of fear, you aren’t probably going to get what you need.
Here’s what else I think:
There is a ton of fantastic free info out there, plenty to give you a leg up on your business or personal growth – more than you could read in your lifetime.
Here’s what else I think:
If you need more help, more guidance, there are great people offering great programs that aren’t super expensive.
Don’t equate most expensive with best.
And…
Sometimes its easier to spend money on a program or to feel badly that you can’t, then it is to take action on what you already know will help you.
So if you have mastermind / retreat / coach jealousy, pick up a book or listen to an audio that you already own and apply what you learned by taking tiny baby actions this week.
Remind yourself you already know plenty.
I’m not saying expensive programs aren’t helpful or good- so don’t yell at me – only that they are not THE ANSWER.
And you have plenty of great resources to be successful and productive RIGHT NOW.
So, are you using the knowledge you already have?
Push back, tell me I’m a cheap Scot.
Love to hear your thoughts.
Related posts:
29 responses so far ↓
1 Tweets that mention The 100000,0000000 MasterMind Program » Comfort Queen -- Topsy.com Dec 2, 2009
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jennifer Louden, Daily Choices. Daily Choices said: The 100000,0000000 MasterMind Program » Comfort Queen http://bit.ly/6RcYAH [...]
2 Lauren Miranda Dec 2, 2009
YES! I so appreciate you addressing this, dearJennifer. Especially the part about putting our energy towards feeling badly about not being able to afford this or that, instead of recognizing all that we DO know and all of the resources that we DO have in our laps. (Gee, I’ve never done that
) Since I work in a library, I just have to point out how many fabulous books and audio recordings are available for FREE and anyone can check them out with a library card!
Thanks again, dear… oh, and happy belated birthday!
3 chris zydel Dec 2, 2009
I love this, Jen. There’s so much wisdom here. It’s brave of you to bring this up. And it’s something that I’ve actually thought about a lot.
There’s a certain kind of magical thinking that’s incredibly powerful and seductive… and I’m certainly not immune to it… that makes us believe that if something is more expensive it’s got to be better or more valuable.
And sometimes people who charge a ton of money really feed into that belief.
My experience is that people who are really out there raking in the big bucks for programs or retreats just have an incredible amount of confidence and chutzpah.. which can be very inspiring…. and maybe if you hang out with them some of that will rub off on you.
But they aren’t inherently any better at what they do than people who offer their services at more modest prices. The gurus are just people after all.
I don’t know if it’s a particularly American mindset… you know bigger is better, let’s buy an SUV… or if something else is at work.
But I know one thing for sure. If you think that one of these uber-expensive programs is the only thing that can “save” you, you are already starting out from a place of disempowerment.
And that is a sure fire recipe for disappointment on all kinds of levels… and probably not the best way to spend your hard earned cash!
I love your suggestion to start small and more modestly, and to find ways to get the help and support you need without stressing yourself financially, especially if you are in a place where you are feeling desperate and a little lost.
Then once you build up a stronger sense of yourself you can make the choice to sign up ( or not) for one of these more high end experiences from a more centered and grounded place.
Thanks again, Jen for an incredibly thoughtful post! You ROCK!!
4 uberVU - social comments Dec 3, 2009
Social comments and analytics for this post…
This post was mentioned on Twitter by jenlouden: New at my blog: The 100000,0000000 MasterMind Program: At the Comfort Cafe and with a couple of clients this week, … http://bit.ly/7XpkkB...
5 carolyn Dec 3, 2009
Jennifer,
This is a million dollar post.
“Sometimes its easier to spend money on a program [or another self-help book] or to feel badly that you can’t, then it is to take action on what you already know will help you.”
It’s also easy to feel bad for not finding “the answer” in the last book you bought or the last advice you received and so buy another.
* “… apply what you learned by taking tiny baby actions this week.” *
This is the key. Coaching or support groups can be helpful by encouraging us to *recognize* the progress we ARE making. It’s so easy to brush off the baby steps we are making and think “oh, that’s nothing, I’m not accomplishing anything” and then give up. That’s like shooting ourselves in the foot (?), and we wouldn’t do that to our babies when they are learning to walk, taking baby steps. Does that make sense? (Coffee hasn’t kicked in yet…)
Thank you, Jennifer, for your blog, your newsletter, and your work.
6 Jennifer Dec 3, 2009
Yeah gals, thank YOU. I was meditating this morning and thought, “Oh shit, I think I wrote a whiny poor me post last night. Should have waited to hit publish.”
I agree with you Chris that the people who share so much can give us a gift of courage. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.
Lauren, I get about 6 books a week from the library – what miracle they are.
Carolyn, I so get what you said! Molly Gordon used to say, “Don’t quit right before the miracle happens.” Again, in meditation this am, my thought was, “Keep working for lift off baby. Don’t give up.” It is tiny steps – that’s the only way we live! – but not so sexy, sometimes, are they?
LOVE LOVE LOVE
7 pam Dec 3, 2009
Thank you for this.
So many times I see offers and retreats out there on the lovely coaching/lifestyle/grow your business sites and when I realize that there is just no way, right now, I can do these things… well… I get discouraged.
It’s easy to forget that even when you can’t go to the fancy woo-woo events, when you can’t sign up for the really expensive courses, or join in the pricey online communities, you can still do some very solid things to move yourself forward.
Its not at all the same to do it alone (gods know) because you don’t get the support, you don’t get the connections, you don’t get the insights that come from finding other people that believe that you have the right to do what you are doing…
But we all have to start somewhere…
8 Kat Dec 3, 2009
Amen sister!
“Don’t quit before the miracle happens.”
Good one!
9 Willie Hewes Dec 3, 2009
I wouldn’t complain about not having the money to go to a super-expensive retreat any more than I would complain about not being able to go to a super-expensive hotel, or eat lobster every night.
There’s a certain point where the price tells me “this is for a different kind of person than me” and I’m happy to turn away. Or maybe I’ll think: “wow, I really like what this guy has to say and I think he could really help me, but there’s no way so I’ll look elsewhere for wisdom.”
Lobster’s great (or so I hear) but there’s nothing wrong with living on lentil soup. If you can afford lentil soup, you’re not too poor to eat. If you can afford a lentil-soup-retreat, you’re not too poor for retreats. And even if you are, you can still gain wisdom, find help, and learn your own secrets.
BTW, I’m new here. Uh, hi! I read the blog by e-mail, thanks for the great stuff!
10 crescent Dec 3, 2009
Could not agree with you more, point by point. Brilliant, compassionate, generous and I’m going to RT it right now!
11 Sarah Dec 3, 2009
Jennifer, I think you’re absolutely right that for most of us, the problem isn’t “not having enough tools,” it’s that something is keeping us from applying those tools as clearly and consistently as we’d like to. In my experience, sometimes other people can help you get through whatever that block is for you, and sometimes they can’t. Heck, sometimes I can help myself through that block and sometimes I can’t!
At the same time, I think that money is a way of indicating value and exchanging energy that can be clear to us on a not-even-conscious level — and so there are times and places where I think people can use “I’ve paid a lot of money for this” as a way to convince themselves that they’re really serious about changing something. Of course, I’d still never advocate people going into debt to get these tools or anything like that, but for people who have the resources to get pricey tools, I don’t think that finding them expensive is a reason not to do it.
12 Trenia Dec 3, 2009
Jennifer,
Thank you so much for posting and talking about this because it’s something that I struggle with often and I’ve never seen or heard anyone talk about it. I’ve been slowly growing my online business and it took me almost 2 years to really get it going because I was wading through all of the program offers that I knew I couldn’t afford. I didn’t have a business background so I knew I needed guidance but it seemed like all of the programs were offered with a very hefty price tag.
I finally just got to the point when I realized that those program were not made for me and it seemed like most of them were for people who were already in business, not for people who were just starting out.
Thanks for talking about this, it feels good to know that I’m not crazy.
13 renee Dec 3, 2009
Great, great thoughts, Jen. It’s amazing how you echo the thoughts of so many and do it so damn well – I love your unconventional writing and reading your writing is just like listening to you speak.
As for retreats…I have always felt your Taos Writers Spaaaaa was the best money I have ever spent on myself. I am still reaping the rewards four years later.
Peace
14 Lea Howell Dec 3, 2009
Thanks Jen for the reality check here.
Yes, I do have books already….and have already attended the “expensive conference” that was supposed to change my life. Perhaps it did, just not in the way I planned.
I am looking at the ads for this very conference now……7 years later…..she is charging $4000.00 more now than she did when I attended. Looks like I contributed to someone else’s miracle…..without having my own!
I am so tickled that you have reminded me that I am enough, have enough, and if I believe in me enough……….I will be my own miracle!
Thanks for the FREE encouragement, something we can ALL have!
15 steph Dec 3, 2009
This bit: “But what isn’t good is if we invest in a retreat or mastermind group or in individual coaching hoping we will be fixed or saved.” was really helpful for me to hear. That’s the verbalization I needed for a perspective change that blew through my world recently. I recognized at a gut level that I didn’t need fixing or saving, that I’ve been shifting my relationships with others away from “please save me!” Thank you!
16 cindy landy Dec 3, 2009
Well Said!
17 Sarah Marie Lacy Dec 4, 2009
Are you living in my head? Because it suspiciously sounds like you are.
I do this. I’ve DONE this. I want the “secret”, even though logically I know that the secret is doing what’s right for me and following my own path.
But I still want to be saved, and then I end up with coaching/mastermind/retreat jealousy.
Thanks for reminding me that I’ve got my own answers.
18 Ruth Davies Dec 4, 2009
I loved this post. I’m the kind of person that stands in bookshops hoping to find the answer to my life somewhere on the shelves. But guess what? I have alot of books at home already. And guess what they say? That I already have the resouces I need! And meditation is free too….
19 Annie Binns Dec 4, 2009
What timing! I have been wrestling with a decision about signing up for a spendy (for me) retreat ($4K) held by someone I dearly love and respect. This is AFTER I had to bail on this year’s Writer’s Spa when I lost my job, also a decision I wrestled with. I didn’t go to Taos and I haven’t written anything. If I go to NYC for $4K, will I suddenly start writing again? Nahhhh… Dammit.
20 Andrew Lightheart @alightheart Dec 4, 2009
You’re so right about *wanting to be saved*.
I totally get this – and it’s especially strong with internet products that you can get immediately – I’ve *so* often got the credit card in my hand before I know it.
And just looking at the story, breathing a little, realising how familiar this excitement is, and remembering the past n times I’ve felt the same thing…
I moved all my unread books together a while ago – and for a while when I wanted a new book I’d go ‘shopping’ in my own bookshop.
Amazing what I already owned.
It becomes even more important when the price goes up.
It’s just that the lesson that you won’t be saved is a little less sexy than the thought that you *might* be.
Sigh.
21 Ginny Dec 6, 2009
Thank you for a great post. Sometimes I see so many books or retreats or workshops that I want to attend that I get overwhelmed and forget all about where I have gone or what I have read or do know. Then I have to remind myself to slow down, breathe, and take a minute to reflect on where I am and where I want to go.
We often take for granted what we have and what we know. Thank you for reminding me that I should be grateful for all that I have.
22 Glenn Dec 6, 2009
Jennifer,
I think this is something that people who want to get into business, learn how to take their business to the next level or anything that spans the difference between $50 a month to 3 or 4 or 5 thousand dollars for a one time event. What is the fear? Fear of loss? Fear of failure? I think it’s the fear of success. Look at these thing as an investment in yourself, not a business investment…It will be more knowledge that never goes away even if your business does.
23 Mare Dec 8, 2009
I would like to add my voice to this conversation since this post has hit a nerve with so many of us as we try to make our lives the best they can be while managing so many reposnsiibilities and jobs–as you have addressed so well before. Here’s the thing–I went to the website where you’ll be online Thursday. then I clicked on the Supercoach and his program for $12,000.00 and got that sinking feeling–its not negative energy–its a negative balance bank account–that keeps me from doing many of the great programs out there. If someone has such wisdom to share–couldn’t they make it more attainable for committed abd working hard to survive people like me–and many of your readers–????
24 Mare Dec 8, 2009
PS. Sorry about the typo’s!
25 Jennifer Dec 8, 2009
I, as always, have marveled at your comments and turned them over in my heart.
@Glenn, I like what the service you offer. I’d love to know more to tell friends and clients. Paying someone to help them find and organize a mastermind is brilliant. I’m certainly not against mastermind groups, I call mine a Brain Trust. I’m not even against paying $100,000 to be in one, just that feeling of needing something, that certain something, to be successful.
@Mare, ouch on Michael’s coaching program cost. I love that he is making 7 calls, including me, free and his weekly tips are certainly great. I spent about 12,000 for my coaching training (with flights, etc.) 9 years ago. It was a year long training. I went back and forth with being involved with Michael’s program NOT because the value won’t be great but because of the price tag. I think the greater question, well one of many, we are trying to answer is what is our work worth and how can we help the most people? It’s why I keep the Comfort Cafe so cheap – no matter how many people tell me to raise the price. Ditto with my retreats. And try to give free content. I hope you’ll keep giving me feedback to help me stay true to my mission and serve the most people!
@Annie, come to the Writer’s Retreat this year. Its half the price! and so fantastic… a great great deal.
love love love you all – love your minds and hearts and that we are connected!
26 Sheri McConnell Jan 13, 2010
I have to say that in my opinion the growth is proportional to the investment b/c it is about the accountability…. when I participated in a six-figure program, I grew my busines 405% that year and the persoanl growth I experienced would never ever had happened had it not been that expensive. Just thought I would weigh in.
27 Jennifer Jan 13, 2010
Ah Sheri, of course, and you have done the same for so many women. It’s when fear motivates people to participate or I hear stories of people mortgaging their houses or people don’t take any action because they can’t be in this or that retreat or program. No! It’s about taking action no matter where we are. Thanks for commenting.
28 Susan Daffron Jan 13, 2010
Jennifer…I just found your sites and I love your writing! I think the most important phrase in the post is this one:
“hoping we will be fixed or saved.”
An increasing number of people are doing a lot of outrageously expensive “me too” masterminds. (So-and-so charges $10K or $100K and I should too!) You see the same buzzwords repeatedly in the copy. Today’s fashionable word is “authenticity.” Last year, it was “mindset.”
The Web site copy for the Gazillion Dollar program then capitalizes on fear of something nebulous.
Last year, you might have read the copy and thought: “Do I have the right mindset. Gee I’m not sure? If I did, I’d be making $7 Million BILLION dollars, right? Oh crap, what do I do?”
This year: “Am I being authentic? I’m not sure. I’m not really telling EVERYTHING on Twitter. Am I being transparent enough? If people know that I yelled at my cat for clawing the sofa 10 minutes ago, will that get me more clients?”
Like everyone else, I have invested in my business. I know what I need to do and I’m doing it. As Frank Herbert said, “Fear is the mind-killer.” I’m SO done being manipulated by online sales copy that uses fear, uncertainty, and doubt as a motivator. I’ve unsubscribed from countless newsletters that offered nothing, except endless oppotunities to separate me from my money.
The only thing that can move your business forward is you. No program can do it for you.
I love your straightforward honest approach. You sales page for your retreat isn’t laced with fear-mongering. It’s so refreshing and nourishing. In fact, it’s the type of writing retreat I’d love to attend or put on myself! Kudos to you for showing the way toward a kinder, gentler form of marketing
29 The right thing at the right time. — Third Hand Works Mar 2, 2010
[...] could make this a lot shorter by just pointing you to Naomi’s and Jen Louden’s wise words about this, but let’s see if I can add something useful to their good [...]