I was hanging with another self-employed coach/ writer / speaker friend this past week and we were both having a horrible no-good very bad day.
You know, one of those days in which you wonder, “What is it I do?” And you bemoan not becoming a nuclear physicist because at least they know how to split atoms.
One of those days in which all your plans, which just a moment ago were so shiny and promising, suddenly resemble false fronts on a movie set.
One of those days when you calculate how little money you can live on.
Otherwise known as a farm-fantasy day. Or move-to-the-ashram day. Or find-a-cozy-cave-in-Greece day.
You are going to give it all up for the simple life.
Give up the struggle, the effort, the bustle, the doing, whatever it is that feels so hard right now.
Yurts are always part of this fantasy. As well as spaciousness and time to do what you want. Shelling peas also shows up for me, not sure why.
There is a desire for wholeness and rest in the farm fantasy – you want to heed that.
There is also a desire to be rescued, to not have to be a grown up anymore – you don’t want to heed that.
Hold the desire for spaciousness, living a hand-crafted life, retreats and renewal in one hand and
in the other,
hold the exhilarating, humbling truth that choosing your life is damn hard work, putting yourself out there takes a huge amount of courage (whether selling your paintings or putting up a profile on Match.com), not to mention brain glucose, and being conscious,in general, is rewarding, sure, but also very, very taxing.
Farm fantasies are fun as long as you don’t confuse them with finally being safe. Finally being enough.
Watch a BBC period drama, read a historical novel, churn some butter and get back to putting one foot in front of the other. You aren’t doing anything wrong – it’s hard, it’s scary, and you are so not alone.
P.S. Non-farm fantasy retreat this weekend at Kripalu with me. You get to give up the struggle while staying awake. That’s good stuff.
P.P.S. Links: Living a hand-crafted life, retreats and renewal, enough.
18 responses so far ↓
1 Alexis Martin Neely Jun 28, 2010
Yep, I’ve got the farm fantasy alright. And it’s so funny that you say yurts are always part of the fantasy.
Two months ago, I actually bought a farm and began researching yurts – that’s how strong the longing is for the simple life.
Right now, my sister in law and her companion are living there, but I love knowing it’s always a possibility.
Keeps me going when things get really hard.
Thanks for helping me see the fantasy for what it is. I’ll let you know if I actually decide to move to the farm and make it a reality.
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3 Jennifer Jun 28, 2010
Alexis, perhaps it is about having the farm and the busy life… I love that you bought the farm. It’s lovely.
4 Alexia Jun 28, 2010
Thing is… my family actually owns a farm in Greece. Near a beach. I spend way too much time on this side of the Atlantic…
5 Leela Jun 28, 2010
Does it count as a fantasy if you actually have parts of it and do parts of it? I live on the coast of Maine, on purpose. My partner and I eat mostly local food; we have three cats and two dogs and we are both self-employed and we both work hard. The funny part about a farm fantasy is that farming is really hard work, too. Chop wood, carry water or write a regular blog post–both are spiritual practice on a good day and just.hard on a bad day. If I don’t have “work that is real” (Marge Piercy) I find it’s all drudgery. But work that matters makes all the difference.
6 Melani Ward Jun 28, 2010
Alright – were you reading my diary again?
I LOVE where you said “Hold the desire for spaciousness, living a hand-crafted life, retreats and renewal in one hand and
in the other,
hold the exhilarating, humbling truth that choosing your life is damn hard work”.
It is hard work and just this morning I was thinking about how much I could get away with NOT doing for the rest of the summer and still get by.
There is such a pull to simplify – luckily I don’t have that far to go in my life as I live very simply – my trick is to simplify my mind and my thoughts – the greatest challenge of all.
Thanks for describing this desire so eloquently.
Melani
7 Susan Gallacher-Turner Jun 28, 2010
“finally being safe, finally being enough.”
You hit my fantasy right on…although, I’ve never dreamed of yurts, lamas or shelling peas. Mine is just me, in my home and studio making art, writing, growing my garden, walking my dog, fun with family and friends…without the fear, pressure and guilt of income production. Not that I don’t want to sell my masks, sculpture and writing, I do. I realize that is important (as validation) but without the struggle.
Alas, it’s good to know, I am SO not alone. Now, to clean up my house, studio and send that email to name I got this weekend of someone who might be interested in my masks.
8 cathy Jun 28, 2010
We didn’t buy a farm, but we’re turning what we do have into a real one.
Life got to be too much of a headache. We wanted our world to be more simple, more real. We wanted to stop talking and just do real things with our minds, hands, hearts, and bodies unified.
Our Curious Farm “opened” this week. It was cool to bring the dream into reality.
I didn’t want to just fantasize about it all. I wanted to make it real. It was the only way to heal the part of me that was broken.
9 Kelly Salasin Jun 29, 2010
a friend of mine lived on a yurt, lots of friends lived in communes or ashrams… in the end, they all chose houses…
thanks for the reminder there isn’t any easy way out… only in
kelly
10 Andrew Lightheart Jun 30, 2010
It’s so good to hear someone acknowledge that it’s hard work just being alive, and conscious, and that doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.
And I agree, that longing for wholeness can be both a good-spur and a bad-trap.
(Mine is the house on the cliff-top…)
11 Victoria Brouhard Jun 30, 2010
I so needed to read this tonight. And I’ll probably need to read it again tomorrow.
Lately, *everything* feels hard, so it’s really wonderful to be reminded that living a conscious life is not easy.
(I just want a hut on a warm, white sand beach. Is that so wrong?)
12 Juli Jun 30, 2010
Owned a farm/acreage with my late-husband for many years. We had numerous animals. My daughters built forts, raised sheep and generally loved it all until they neared their teenage years. It was a beautiful life, truly a wonderful way to live. I miss some aspects of that life, but having lived it, I also now really enjoy being back in the SF Bay area.
I totally get the part about wanting to escape, but know that isn’t really what I want either.
Your post is a lovely reminder of all of this. Thank you.
13 Bridget Jun 30, 2010
We rented a farm for a year and a half, and found that everything peaceful about farm life was true for us. So maybe there’s something to it.
I don’t know how a farm means being rescued or not being a grown-up? Maybe it means an escape to an easier time, is that what you mean?
14 Jennifer Jun 30, 2010
Bridget, it’s not the farm itself. I agree that can be an incredible way of life. What I was trying to capture is how we can create a fantasy of an easier life – it can be a certain kind of business or place to live or a different person to be in relationship with…I also think that not everybody does this fantasy thing. But I know I do.
Juli, your early life with the kids sounds so beautiful.
Victoria, so not wrong. Can I visit?
Cathy, cheers to the Curious Farm!
Love to you all, off to Kripalu tomorrow god willing. Send us good vibes.
15 Carol Bender Jul 6, 2010
oops. I had the fantasy and I am now living it. No regrets although I joke a lot about how I want to be the farmer’s wife who makes lemonade for the hard working men (I get away with it sometimes). We are converting our farm house into a bed and breakfast with a goal date of 2013 (lots of work to do). Hopefully it will be a place for families and artists to enjoy the fantasy.
16 Sally Stanton Jul 8, 2010
Jen, you sure know how to write a blog post title. You had me at “yurt.” And it’s just weird, I actually did think about yurts last week as a living option. Right now my farm-fantasy complete with “yurt” fantasy is a nice little RV to live in as a semi-retirement option. Living like a turtle, with just what I can carry (i.e., haul in my RV). Spending winters in the southwest and summers in the north, chasing sunshine, mild temperatures, and new places to teach Yoga and Nia. Probably just as crazy as the yurt idea, but with indoor plumbing. Love you, Jen. Keep on rollin!
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