If you’ve read my newsletter or blog for any length of time, you know I struggle with focus.
I struggle to name and define what it is I do.
I break out in hives when someone talks about unique selling proposition or my niche.
It’s my perennial tug-of-war-with-self.
(Is it this? Or that? And how the hell do I talk about? I want to tell you everything I do!)
Today, I decided it’s a myth.
Focus doesn’t exist. Niches are for starfish.
Oh it does as a practice - focusing on my novel for one hour, focusing on creating The Very Yummy Taste of the Comfort Café Giveaway (a greatest hits of the last four months – coming up next week), focusing on being present with my sweetheart or my breath or the smell of the lilac bush in my backyard.
That’s not a myth, that’s the nectar of life. Sweetness. Sanity.
The myth part? That’s focus as savior as in
When I get focused and know my niche, then I will feel confident, believe in my work/self/creativity and I will never rarely doubt myself or get sidetracked or waste days searching Etsy for the perfect throw pillows again.
This is a myth.
It goes hand in hand with the myth that you have to do one thing to be successful.
Tell that to Eleanor Roosevelt or Hillary Clinton or Hildegard of Bingen.
One of the Comfort Cafers was agonizing about this exact issue this week. She wrote:
I don’t feel like I know what I’m doing. I don’t know what I want to focus on or what I’m actually doing … and the things I do know don’t sound big enough to be focuses. (Jen butts in: myth of focus = what I do has to be unique or big or I can’t focus on it.)
I love to write essays. I like to write about life and people and romance and inspiration. I love to describe things. I love to travel. I love to teach writers, I particularly love helping writers tell their stories, I’m good at helping them shape their essays and develop the confidence and skills to do so. I also teach people about ideas, and how to get their idea well pumping so they don’t have to wait for the muse.
None of this comes into a cohesive whole to me. I’m stuck. I’m not sure how to figure out what I want to bring to the world. (Jen butts in again: myth of focus = cohesion, one thing, single point. See Hildegard.)
I’ve been experimenting with the simplest thing (our theme for this month at the Cafe) and that is helpful. Perhaps the simplest thing would be to pick one thing I’m confident I do know; to slow down and consider what I do know (instead of feeling like I’ve not made it yet), to acknowledge that I have a lot to offer from my current knowledge base, and then teach people from that place … instead of thinking I’ve got to do much more before I have anything to offer …
Don’t you love where she got to? YES and more YES!
- Pick one thing - not because that’s what focus requires but because you have to start somewhere. You can add more things in soon. Pinkie swear.
- Slow down and consider what you do know – most of us discount our talents and knowledge; they becomes invisible to us but they are gold to others.
- Teach people from what you know rather than thinking you have to go learn more first. Are you talking to me?
I’m doing a happy dance over here. I can feel the freedom and creativity streaming forth once we stop trying to force ourselves into boxes and niches and elevator speeches (oh my, is that a rhyme?).
Just you wait until the next post when I share the Comfort Cafer’s amazing wise comments on this subject – you will be kissing focus goodbye and saying “Hello desire! Hello wide awake heart wide open me!.”
Focus schmo-kus.
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24 responses so far ↓
1 Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome May 28, 2009
I have four different focuses:
* My writing
* My coaching/blog
* My fitness
* My stuff that keeps food on the table
Each one is as important as the rest and there is no way I could cut it down to just one thing but in each I’m highly specified.
So, maybe that’s the trick, pick a bunch of things to do then do them in a highly niched/focused manner…
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome’s last blog post..Expose Your Somedays: The Next Lab Rats Casting Call
2 Mahala Mazerov May 28, 2009
Wow. It genuinely surprised me you didn’t feel you had a niche. In my mind you own Comfort and all the patience, delights and awakenings it encompasses.
I’ve just been trolling through years (sadly, yes) of half-created things. I left them too soon, not because I didn’t believe in them, but because I couldn’t see they were already whole and related. I kept leaving one in search of another, thinking I would have one crystalizing moment. All the while I was surrounded by sparkling jewels.
Mahala Mazerov’s last blog post..Meditation Beyond the Cushion
3 Jennifer May 28, 2009
Mahala, i know, I appear focused which is part of the whole myth thing, right? The myth is in my head not out there. (Does that make sense?)
Alex, exactly – one thing is not smart business, at least for most of us. Or possible. I truly enjoy your blog!
4 Liz May 28, 2009
Jennifer,
Thank you so much for permission NOT to have a focus! I used to think it was just me- everyone else seemed to have it all figured out, but I was always doing SO many different things- and didn’t want to give any of them up! I still don’t. The thought of doing the same thing for more than about half a day at a time gives me the hives! So I wear many hats, and love them all!
And thanks also for the reminder that we DO know enough right now. Of course there’s always more to learn- but what we have to offer right this minute is just what someone else needs.
Liz’s last blog post..What to do when you feel like crap…
5 Diane May 28, 2009
Wow! This is spot on for me right now. So many things that I am doing that are quite different from each other – landscape contractor, love to write about gardening, love to use and write about technology, love to promote low water landscaping here in dry San Diego. How does that all fit! No wonder people look at me funny.
6 Ingrid May 28, 2009
I loved this post. I’ve often wondered if what I have is “soft focus.” That is to say, my lense feels really wide, embracing work, family, spirit, the path in the woods and through the field…. They are all interconnected and all held in that embrace -as if the eyes of the heart are so much bigger than the eyes of a microscope. I have failed to write an elevator speech at least a hundred times.
Ingrid’s last blog post..Living Quietly, and in Love
7 Helga May 28, 2009
As I was trying to focus on my hat du-jour, or my hat du-the next five minutes, one of my all-time favorite quotes came to mind. Love the last line! “A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.” (Robert A. Heinlein(1973) – Time Enough for Love) – *Focus Schmokus*!
8 Karen May 28, 2009
There are times I find myself flitting from project to project. And there are times when I meditate and pray about my projects. Since I am no longer a licensed counselor, I am in search of a name for my niche. All my interests fall under one umbrella for which I am thinking of a name: Self-empowerment, Women’s Empowerment, Art and Soul, to name a few. Thanks for the nudge, Jennifer. I need to name my umbrella. Karen
9 Vixx May 29, 2009
That’s why I quit dating! Every dating website or every fix-up wound up being a “job interview”. I had 30 seconds or less to give a perspecitve lover my “elevator speech”.
The tantamount stupidity is “Speed Dating”. Oh yeah! It took nearly 50 years to create me and I’m going to “sell” myself to you in a minute.
I’m me. You are you.
If somebody doesn’t have the time or desire to unwrap the package without buzzwords printed on the outside then they can just apply “Gordon Ramsey’s Fave Word” to themselves!
Today I’m a mainframe systems programmer. Tonight I’ll be an auto mechanic. Tomorrow morning I’ll be the household bookkeeper.
Hocus Pocus not focus!
10 Vixx May 29, 2009
Hildegard of Bingen did have a niche, literaly!
He family gave her over to the church to become an “anchorite” and be walled up in a small “niche” in a facility attached to the church. She would have been given food and water through a small hole in the wall.
Because she was so extraordinarily talented she escaped her “niche” and went on to rock the world!
11 Jennifer May 29, 2009
Liz – i’m certain you have plenty to offer right now!
Ingrid – when I look at what you offer, it has plenty of focus, and a beautiful one at that. I learned from Mark Silver not to think everything I do or love or am interested in has to fit in my business. So that idea might help you.
Helga and Vixx, once again, you made me laugh out loud. You are both so amazingly smart.
Karen, forget naming and just keep doing. That’s my aim these days – one simple action and some day, I’ll look back and see OH that is what I did and was.
12 Renee Trudeau May 31, 2009
Hi Jenn, I love this post. I think you just gave thousands of women permission to exhale (big time).
It’s interesting, I have always been one of those people who professionally knew exactly where I was going, had a plan and felt such exhileration when I was aligned and carrying this out.
As I move deeper into my forties, I’m finding the sweet spot is living in the unknown (and saying “I don’t know”–love to watch people’s faces when they ask what I’m doing next and this is my reply …they kind of freak out).
I now believe, truly, our only job moment to moment is take baby steps. But deeply guided baby steps.
I love your voice, thanks for your courage and willingness to be vulnerable. Bravo for helping us all to keep it real!
13 Janet Bailey May 31, 2009
Mmm, you always give such great permission. Thanks — I wrestle with this one. On one hand, niche is easier to talk about briefly (like, in networking-type situations when I don’t want to overwhelm people). And the Branding Police say it’s easier for people to remember, and makes marketing easier. But you’re right, it’s not making good business sense (for me anyway, right now) to abandon the rest. Love your point about niche as a place to start. With room for more.
14 Kim Wolinski, "Dr. DeClutter" May 31, 2009
Hi Jennifer!
I backtracked through several tweets and found someone, a man, who’d responded to this post. Anything with Hildegard of Bingen on it will attract me!
I wrote a song about her (her in me in this incarnation), read her books, know her in my bones, went to her abbey in Germany.
I get Hilde. I’ve wanted an abbey for a long time! I sit in my mostly decorated bedroom – decorated to look like the inside of a good ancient castle bedroom in simple whafty curtain ways – and see it as the inner sanctum of my abbey – where, like Hilde, I read and write and think and meditate and cry and scream, talk to God again and again and feel lost a lot, but rise to do it all another day, some parts more than others.
Yes, I match your first few lines. I’m working on shifting some of that this week, maybe only because of some bills due! Deadlines are a good thing!
I have a page from one of the “O” magazines framed on my office wall, b&w 50s photo, mother by clothesline with kids, says, “We should all do in the long run what gives us joy, even if it’s only picking grapes or sorting the laundry.” E. B. White, Letters of E.B.White.
That all sounds so wonderful, “when” the rent if paid, and bills are paid, and, and, AND, AND!!!!
I songwrite/sing from inner flow – no work in it – write (author), blog, speak, educate, love folding laundry.
Ideas for more and more are never lacking. Do, do, DO!!
So, I teach classes and write and speak on what I need to master a bit more and more and more.
Thanks Jennifer always for your heart on your sleeve. Much continued success and joy!
Kim
15 Viveca Jun 1, 2009
hmmm. So many to choose from …
This week I am the finisher. No matter what my updated guide is being sent off for review.
I hide out in “musing & mulling” and “adding-one-more-thing” gee, could that be a fatigue cause? You bet!
That is all I committing to do. Another place I hide out is in taking on too much which is a great reason to end up doing too little!
Cheers!
Viveca
Viveca’s last blog post..Monday is Juice Fasting Day! a.k.a. Alkalizing Day
16 Jennifer Jun 1, 2009
Reading your comments when they come into my in box is like having drops of life giving nectar trickle in!
17 Meagan Francis Jun 4, 2009
As one who aspires to be about a million different things I struggle with this a lot–particularly as I am also self-employed as a writer and author and marketing myself is a necessity for success–I feel a lot of pressure to focus and “brand” myself. Your advice to start with one thing first, then branch out, is good.
Meagan Francis’s last blog post..blooming where life plants us
18 Megan Jun 17, 2009
THANK YOU!
I have struggled with this for years with my coaching. I just spent the last year running a retail store and am, this month, finally free of that and returning to my coaching and teaching and find myself again struggling with how to tell people what I do.
Over all these years I have discovered many passions – on the page they seem disjointed and unrelated – but in my life their combination gives me joy and balance and I feel like I can’t possibly cut one out because I feel like all my potential clients need to find the freedom I’ve found through all of them. But this voice inside me tells me it’s not good business sense to present so much.
Thank you for telling me it was ok to follow my heart and not my logic in this. Now the only question I need to answer is: where to begin!
19 Jean Philippe Jun 22, 2009
Great post and thank you for the advice! It is liberating to get a confirmation in your assumption that you can do many things. Some of them will be useful in specific circumstances but if you think about it, all of them will be useful at one point in your lifetime. (Think about your kids !)
I also like the quote from Helga’s comment: “Specialization is for insects.” -Robert A. Heinlein.
Loved it, saved it and printed it in BIG!
20 Nicole Sep 9, 2009
uhhh….a hundred times: Thank You! I thought I was the only one who was struggling with the niche thing. It makes so much sense, but it’s just not me! I can’t believe I’m reading this post today–it fits so well with my new realization. Or rather, I was able to actually allow myself to admit that I already have lots to offer and that I could actually make a living from it. This was just icing on the cake.
21 Do Mi Stauber Oct 27, 2009
Anyone who struggles with this issue (as I continue to) should read Barbara Sher’s book, Refuse to Choose. Seriously! Go get it right now!
22 Sora Oct 27, 2009
I really love this … I’ve been so busy trying to FOCUS that I haven’t even allowed myself to connect through this wonderful playground until now … and oh how I love to connect & to play! This post caught my eye (and heart) at an important time of reflection & renewal. Thank you, dear Jen, for all the delicious flowers of focused creation you are offering this world, one petal at a time.
23 Anne Oct 28, 2009
I have to say I love da Universe’s timing. I have beaten myself up so many times because of this whole niche thing as well. I mean how do you make a niche out of the things I love and what I am doing now? Writing, technology (love Excel) trainer, coaching, social media, spirituality, working in a start-up, consciousness shifting (type of energy work based on kinesiology). And then of course there’s the bills to pay. I found myself buying into that myth..if I could just package all this and market it like mad, then I’d be grand. LOL. Was reassuring to hear from you Jennifer – who seems to have a comfortable
niche that you still struggle…obviously this post touched a chord..
24 Victoria Oct 28, 2009
How wonderful to put out the freedom here to everyone who ever thought they should fit into just one box! I am a multi-faceted being and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Of course, sometimes I forget, being human, and think I am just one thing and that one thing and how it’s going represents my contribution in this world – what poppycock! (love using that word
Recently I got a lovely reminder about this from a documentary on Neil Young – he spoke of having to follow his creative muse, no matter what others thought he should being doing – that he could venture off onto any path that beckoned his creative juices. That, like your post, was a beautiful permission letter on perfect stationary, written in my favorite font, with a golden calligraphy pen! Thank you for your letter too – I’ll keep it in the same special container for magic reminders. To living the joy, wherever it shows up!