The wrong questions I’ve been asking: "What am I supposed to do? (Notice focus on finding the one right thing or way. Always deadly.) How do I choose between all my projects and interests? How do I crack the code of my life?"
The right question is- I don’t know. There may not even be a right question! At least, I don’t know what it is, not yet, maybe never.
What I do know is the feeling by which I will make my next choices. It is a feeling of unity. It is as if all my projects and desires have been mingled and poured into a vast glass vessel, with a fluted long neck and a sweet round belly. A periwinkle swirled with persimmon and maple ruby bottle that now resides in me, occupying me from pelvis to the crown of my head. When I focus on this vessel, mingling and bubbling, I feel I am being done. Instead of doing. There is a lightness too, coupled with a sheer and tensile strength.
I do not know what this means but I do know it feels delightfully different. Fresh. A relief. Can I trust it? I pray for patience.
1 response so far ↓
1 Michelle Ensminger Oct 6, 2005
I’m trying to learn to move away from the question “What am I supposed to do?” into the question “Who am I supposed to be?” trusting that the doing will flow from the being. This goes hand in hand with my last comment about ministry…I’m learning that ministry isn’t about doing (that’s what I’ve been taught for years and I think that is the general belief by society)…ministy is what I am, it’s who I am…it flows through me. If/when I’m rightly related to myself then I’m rightly related to my place and purpose in life.