A dear friend, who is going through a very difficult time with her child, asked me,
If I am being tested, can we stop now? Is that a crock of shit? Do you think I am being tested and that I need to learn a lesson to make it stop? Or it that new age crap?
Why do some people skate through life with nary a problem? Do you know any of these people?
Here is what I said:
There are no tests.
There are only wake up calls.Nobody skates.
But some people learn.What are you being called to learn?
And how can you be kind to yourself as you, imperfectly, bumbling, stumbling, learn?
I share this not because I am auditioning for Yoda’s role but because I detest the story that there are tests in life, and like school, you can fail. I prefer to see life as a constant – and I mean constant – open invitation to learn.
To learn what? You decide. Me, I’m trying to learn to enjoy myself, to love more, to create more, to slow down more, and above all, to marvel more.
Is life a test? An invitation? A meaningless slog? How do you frame it?
(I love asking easy questions that will take you no time at all to respond. That was tongue in cheek.)
11 responses so far ↓
1 Hiro Boga Jun 2, 2010
Ah, the test theory of reality! It’s the ego’s exhausting way of trying to control events, make them more rational, if not predictable.
The soul creates every experience to grow us into our fullness and radiance. So yes, learning is what it’s all about. And learning happens best through play, curiosity, open-ended exploration.
Thanks, Jen, for another wise and loving invitation to the soul’s playground.
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3 SusanJ Jun 2, 2010
I’m with you, Jen. I’m not a fan of this theory. Sometimes I think it’s a way of putting things into a spiritual context so I can get past the deeper fear that this is punishment and I must deserve it.
At least the test theory let’s me believe that something is doing this “for my own good”. I like to think that it’s ALL for my good.
My way of looking at it is that everything is dancing in perfect harmony with everything else and when I change my own steps I change the whole dance around me as everything responds.
So no tests – just seeing new ways to dance.
4 Michelle Jun 2, 2010
An opportunity, a conversation, an interplay, a wild ride? YES!
A test? No way!!
Thank you for pointing this out. I feel like these schemas can sneak in unidentified. This is a great reminder to keep an eye out for this one… subtlety in language, etc.
5 Sue Mitchell Jun 2, 2010
Agree that this type of situation isn’t a test but an opportunity for growth.
There is one way I do think the universe tests you, though. It’s when you have made a bold decision. As you start to move forward, it is very predictable that almost immediately some challenge will appear that will test your resolve.
If I view the challenge as a test, it makes it easier for me to overcome because I don’t want to fail the test!
But I have seen others think in terms of a test during a time of struggle, like your friend’s situation, and that seems decidedly unhelpful to me. As if just being in the situation isn’t hard enough, now you have to perform for some unknown outsider? Bah humbug!
6 Susan Gallacher-Turner Jun 2, 2010
Life as a test…oh, please not another one! How about the old one that, “Everything happens for a reason.” I see that as similar because it implies that ‘lesson’/'reason’ is somehow due to something I did or didn’t do right.
I’m trying to learn, to express myself creatively, to enjoy, to realize that I am safe and to relax.
7 Robin Jun 2, 2010
I believe it is a comforting thought that everything happens for a reason. You are meant to learn from the positive events as well as the negative.
I also know for a fact that nobody skates through life without struggles. The difference is our preception of each others issues.
8 Andrew Lightheart Jun 2, 2010
I struggle with the concept that there is someone out there giving me lessons/tests. Who is that?
I, personally, find that there is at times a bit of passivity in ‘Everything happens for a reason.’ Though finding some benefit after the fact can be useful. (Doesn’t necessarily mean the event happened *so that* we learned the lesson – that’s a bit of cognitive slight of hand, I reckon.)
But then but then… there is surrender. And opening.
But also at times it may be that the world isn’t supporting the direction we want to take… The way of flow can be less than awake…
Sorry, what was the question?
9 Giulietta Nardone Jun 3, 2010
Hi Jen,
Agree completely that life is one giant learning adventure. I entered the world learning on my own terms, then got redirected to what other folks thought I should learn.
Misery set in. It goes against our individual grain and doesn’t help human (kind).
It’s all backwards. Let each person follow his or her own learning adventure call.
Enjoyed the question!
Giulietta, Inspirational Rebel
10 Jennifer Jun 3, 2010
Maybe everything does happen for a reason… If you go far enough in non-dualism, you start to wonder if we have true free will… but when I do go that far, given that I am far from enlightened
, I sink into resignation. The weary “God’s will be done” sigh = victim thing.
So it doesn’t work for me so much to frame it as “happened for a reason” but more “it happened. Now what?”
11 Hilary Jun 3, 2010
Tests – eww. Right up there with, ‘You must have attracted this experience into your life!’ Grrrmmph.
I think we get sucked into these ideas because we understand at a deep level that our experience means something, but we have a pretty impoverished repertoire of things it could mean. (Right/ wrong, success/ failure, or test to determine which I’ll be.) We could just ask what it means, or look for emergent patterns, stories, dance steps…