20 responses so far ↓

• 1 Helga Oct 2, 2006

  As I have been trying to lovingly grapple with my own dark side these last few days, I so appreciate hearing about someone else’s look at their self-assessed icky parts. It’s good not to feel like the only one with “slimy, judgmental, harsh bits”. We all have them. The sooner we acknowldge them, instead of denying or burying them, the sooner we can let go of them, at least occasionally (such a long process for me, probably without an end, rather one of those over and over again’s – sigh!). As you pointed out, Jen, this is cool learning, and I think a powerful way to authetically grow.
  I am glad we get to speak our minds here, ugly moments and all – how refreshing! As I try to teach my daughter: we don’t always have to agree to keep the love.
  That said, I hope you, Jen, don’t change a thing about the way you express yourself, or the topics you communicate about, no matter how personal or “petty”. And I hope the critical reader continues to communicate, too. I’m learning from both of you!

• 2 Julie F. B. Oct 2, 2006

  Jennifer, although I understand what your reader is saying, I want to let you know that I relish your honesty here — the good, the bad, and the ugly. I think that part of being an authentic person is recognizing the parts of us that get stressed and fried and love to swear sometimes. I know I’d prefer never to be in that place, but since I get there sometimes (and just about everyone I know does, as well) I’d prefer to be honest, to embrace the messiness, and to paddle forward. I love it that you do just that.

  Four years ago (how time flies) I was helping to take care of my mother while she was sick and then dying. I never said the word “sucks” (as in, “this situation sucks”) before in my life, but I couldn’t find any other way to phrase it, and I started using “sucks” quite a lot. Personally, I’d be a little skeptical if you went through all you were going through without some messiness. Comfort, for me anyway, doesn’t mean 24/7/365 grace and serenity. It means living with what is, even when it’s messy, while moving forward into what can be.

  Thank you for your honesty. You radiate beauty — and I really mean that.

• 3 martha Oct 2, 2006

  Hi I laughed when you when you said ‘dress in burlap’. Pain makes us fried, no?self care not withstanding? can there be passion without a dark side/ not for this less than supreme being. hehee…dressed in burlap…hehee

• 4 Tuxlux Oct 2, 2006

  Jennifer! You’ve taught me self-care is about taking care of yourself as you travel the journey….not erasing every bump in the road!

  Swear, scratch, burp, be mad, say you’re mad! Be human! This is your blog…your internal monolog and we’re all evesdropping. And I will very selfishly say…it gives me hope.

  I need to see other women on this journey and know that they think and feel the same way. Every time I hear the words of another woman coping with the grief, loss, frustration, and finality of caring for aging family members it helps me get up again and go on. If it gets to be too much for me to witness, I’ll stop reading for a while. But I would never want you to stop blogging exactly what comes up.

  I stopped blogging a while ago because a writing teacher told me it wasn’t true craft, it was entertainment. I wised-up and realized she had a stick lodged in her snob shoot because she thought journaling was only valid if it was done by hand in a leather bound book.

  So go Jennifer go!

  If you start drooling all over this blog like a serious Serenity Hawkfire….we’ll send adult protective services out to make sure you’re not wearing burlap and living in the woods!

• 5 Catherine Oct 3, 2006

  The most important aspect of your blog for me, the one that keeps me reading, is that you both express frustration and darkness AND that you still care and still continue. I could never read a consistantly “feel happy” blog. My life has been difficult for the last few years. Life is complicated and has many layers. Thank you for not being superficial.

• 6 erinn Oct 3, 2006

  It’s your blog. You should write what you want. Just because you feel negative one day or the next doesn’t translate to me that you have a negative blog. I feel that what you do is even more effective because you are authentic. You struggle with self-care just like the rest of us. You should be allowed to have your up days and down days. imho.
  erinn

• 7 Photopoppy Oct 3, 2006

  More to add to those thoughts: the world has lots and lots and lots of images and presentations of perfect women succeeding already. I think you fill a need that is frequently unfilled – The Woman Becoming, or she who is imperfect and perfectly okay, or even woman still learning how best to live and grow and create and sharing that with others.

  Of course, I’m biased – I’ve visited websites and blogs from people who make an effort to come across as perfectly happy all of the time, and I find it a little off-putting. That’s not authentic, and I cringe in part that I’m not so perfectly perky and in part imagining how soul sucking it has to be to put that perky mask on every time they interact with the public.

  –Photopoppy

• 8 micheleL Oct 3, 2006

  I had to chuckle this morning on reading your blog and the post about ‘being negative’. Last year when my beloved mentor passed away from breast cancer- a ‘spiritual’ friend of mine at the wake came up to me. She proceeded to say I read your journal, but you always go on and on about your personal stuff. blah, blah, blah.” Her comments hurt and words were sharp. It made me think really hard about what I was writing.

  Within hours another Blogger, whose work I respect, wrote me a wonderful comment saying how much she enjoyed reading my take on the moon cycles. In an email dialog that followed she wrote that what I was sharing was a new form of biography called ethnography. Personal stories are healing. We need healing stories. Shaman’s around the world know this. The comment and dialog that followed allowed me to focus on why I initially started writing about the new moon experience. You see I had sat in too many teaching sessions where women were just superficially thinking about astrology, but not living the experience. It was so sad, and they were so stuck. What does the moon feel like when she passes through a sign. How is the New Moon in Virgo going to affect me…how am I responding, the good, the bad and the ugly.

  The Moon’s energy offers up a road map through the feminine experience that most of us are completely disconnected from. The Moon represents the sacred waters of our mother just before birth, the Moon represents the oceans energy… the Moon is about our comfort and safety of expressing our truest emotions.

  In school little girls are Taught to be more linear, and eventually we abandon the intuitive. At some point all women are called to reclaim that seven year old intuitive self. As the Moon goes from new to full to new again she shows us a way through it, to reclaim the lost power by embracing the death of the old ways. In the night sky her cycle teaches us how to deal with life and death. Death and the emotions attached are scary to a lot of people.

  You are a teacher…What I witness in your deep heartfelt writings is a sacred initiation of death and rebirth, a loud and clear message (pardon the pun)- for today you are experiencing death- the death of your beloved father, the death of the radio show, the death of family illusions. The death of your old self so you can be reborn anew. You are sharing your Greater Story. This is like living on a roller coaster ride, one minute your may be up, one day you are heading for the deep dips. A lot of dips. In this sacred journey I witness you questioning all the learnings. And that is a deep teaching some will understand and cheer you on..while others will scratch their heads and question why.

  I resonate with the stories your share. I love the questions you ask yourself. I love to read about your deep listening. You are reclaiming your soul, the wise feminine essence that gives you great comfort. You share your shadow- warts and all. You share your Light. This is not an energy that can be swept under the carpet and she demands to be expressed. Your forum for this discussion is your blog and I celebrate your honesty and courage to bring forth your truth even when it is hurting like heck.

  In this death, as you separate the wheat from the chaff, you are discovering new ways of being, your art is touching you in ways that are so profound words can’t do it justice. I know this place. I love to see how your creating art is reflecting this inner journey, blending your story with the art. I celebrate this all with you and I look forward to your posts- the good, the bad and the ugly!!!

  In loving support,
  micheleL from Florida (not your sister, LOL)

• 9 mysteria Oct 3, 2006

  Hi
  In response to the letter, I say take it in as comment but DON’T CHANGE!
  We love you the way you are, warts and all. That is your biggest asset. You are not willing to sugar coat anything. Life is messy and dirty. The world is crying out for authentic voices! Again dont change!
  There would have been a time in my 20′s where i too might have said the same thing about not believing you (“I don’t quite believe what you say about taking care of myself”). But with age comes wisdom. Life just doesnt fit in nice neat tidy little boxes.

  just my two cents! cindy

• 10 Bombshellrisa Oct 3, 2006

  To me, when I read this blog and hear you talk about the various high and low notes, hearing an authentic point of view that isn’t trying to be all sunny and bright about everything is the greatest comfort. I feel better knowing that someone who is experiencing hardship is honest about it, not try to force themselves into being so optimistic and cheerful for the benefit of others. I love that you admit to being annoyed, upset, angry, hurt, sad. It’s a comfort in of itself to be able to admit what you are really feeling, not what you “should” feel, how others would prefer you to act. Thank you so much for being authentic! Hugs, Marisa

• 11 dewms Oct 3, 2006

  Please, please, please…don’t stop being real! It is because of women such as yourself being real that it is okay for me to be real.

  Sure, swearing isn’t always attractive. Sometimes using the “f” word is the only way I can get my husband to realize that I am really serious about something.

  I need role models for taking care of myself. Thank you for providing one for me. My horoscope says I have been slowly reinventing myself since 2001. You have been part of that exploration. I’m not even sure when or how I found you online. Thank you for being you and providing me with ideas on how I can be me. It is all about learning how to show up for OUR life. It is the only way we can show up for anybody else. Being authentic is one of the scariest things for me to do.

• 12 Anne Oct 3, 2006

  Ohmigod. Please keep showing your authentic self on your blog. I LIKE your cussing. It shows that you are REAL. That you are HUMAN. That you are WHOLE. Your Web site, your articles, and your books only show certain sides of you…the “perfect” side of you, if you will. Your blog shows the rest of you….the perfectly imperfect rest of you. Just like the rest of us.
  I find that refreshing and actually hopeful. You hold up a real woman for us to look at, to talk with and ponder with. Not some impossible to attain Martha Stewart spiritual guru.
  When you express your real self on your blog, it allows you to be vulnerable and open to receive the comfort and friendship that those of us who read you wish to share. That makes it a two-way street. A relationship. And isn’t that what we humans are about? Relationship? With others…with God/Source/Universe?
  For myself, I hope that you continue to be real. To be strong and vulnerable to reveal the emotions you have in experiencing your journey in life. For all our emotions are to be honored. “Negative” or “Positive”.

• 13 Claudia Oct 3, 2006

  I find your blogs so real. I feel great relief knowing I am not the only one in the cosmos who feels fried from everything- being a mom, trying to fit in a run, make perfect, organic, fabulous meals, watch less TV, read more, blah, blah, blah….In fact, tonight I was so desperate for some time to put together my new double jogger stroller (part of the fit in a run thing) that I let my 15-month-old bang away on my computer and now 12- count them- TWELVE- of the keys are broken. I will admit that secretly I didn’t care if she ruined anything b\c then I could get a new lap top (my husband just got one and I am feeling lap top envy. Anyway, I love the swearing and the bitching b/c it’s real life happening- who said self care was about creating a non-stop, beauty filled life with no weeds?

• 14 tasaspirit Oct 3, 2006

  Hi Jennifer,
  I love that you keep it real. I am a University professor and I struggle with the swearing issue a lot! I think that the more we practice allowing the whole of who we are to be present the more joy and inspiration we get to encourter both in ourselves and in others! Cheers

• 15 sarahbliss Oct 4, 2006

  I really wanted to comment on this,so much so,that i signed up in order to do so. you are right on, warts and all. How else are we to all be part of the journey, unless we speak with truth. Yes, i know that we need to be positive, sometimes however thats life,questioning, a little bit ugly,negative. For me personally,i want to see the whole journey not just the end, but how you got there. Challenges make us strong and more loving and more compassionate. Keep going, your doing great. blissjourney

• 16 Christina Frei Oct 4, 2006

  Hi Jennifer -
  THank you for being so honest and forthcoming with a comment that might have hit a raw nerve. Here’s how I see this. If people want to be inspired, they can buy your books, which are incredible. If they want to be more intimate with you (warts and all), they get to come here. Please don’t stop swearing or edit yourself. We want the whole you here.
  Warmly,
  Christina Frei

• 17 Jessica Duquette Oct 4, 2006

  you go, girl! Part of walking the path is digging deep and mucking around in the ‘stuff’. It certainly doesn’t always look pretty and I applaud you for being vulnerable.

  My opinion as a blogger is that swearing is not as effective as plain unadulterated brutal honesty; in some ways, swearing can be a crutch, a substitute for more effective or honest words, but that’s for ME, not necessarily YOU. Try using symbols to get your point across:

  “Did spam *(&&*$#$ heads know I was happy?”

  That way, you get your point across without offending anyone.

  Not that I am against offending people who can’t handle reality! I just don’t have to do it by swearing.

  Last week, I spoke before a group of insurance agents and I was brutally honest and I am certain I offended a few of them, but I am not willing to compromise my honesty for politeness. Maybe that’s a problem I haven’t figured out yet…Effective communication has many layers, all of them have a message for me, do I want to look at them?

  hey, Jennifer, keep doing what you are doing, I am with you!

  warmly,

  Jessica Duquette
  http://www.its-not-about-your-stuff.com

• 18 Lain Ehmann Oct 4, 2006

  I love the commenter who said “A Woman Becoming.” What a lovely description. It’s a process, isn’t it??? Of course, you know what I’m going to say… that I love reading your words just as they are. I appreciate the authenticity and honesty and warts. All of it. I take it in and embrace it and realize that we are all on this journey together. No one is “there.”
  xoxoxooxoxooxoxox
  Lain

• 19 SusanG Oct 5, 2006

  You go, girl. That dark “shadow” side is just as much a part of us as the light side. I think anyone who is always serene, positive and uplifting is either heavily medicated or lying to themself. An important part of my self-care is getting those feelings out, rolling around in them and then releasing them into the abyss. While you may be our guru, you also get to remain human and sharing those “icky” moments refreshes and amuses me. I understand that coarse language may be offensive to some but I agree…there are times when only the “f” word will do! Open dialogue is a wonderful thing. It’s nice to have a place where it’s encourage and embraced.

• 20 Tracy Oct 5, 2006

  I would feel cheated (for lack of a better word) if you only blogged your positive feelings and experiences – the one-sidedness would give me an altered perception of you. We are not all positive and happy people all the time – why misrepresent yourself that way for the sake of appearing ‘nice’ and ‘perfect’?

  Through this forum Jen, you demonstrate to many women (and I’m sure a few men!) that we can still live rich, fulfilling lives in the face of dark times, and allow those dark sides of ourselves to express pain, frustration, sadness, lonliness in whatever way works for us. Your way may not be my way, but so what? Its called individuality – its called authenticity – and you live and breathe that through your words here. Your dark side, your honesty, your frankness and even your swearing inspire me just as much as all of your positive insights into life.

  Providing comfort isn’t always about having all the answers. How many times do we find greater comfort with those who share the same experiences as we do – warts and all? For me – the answer is more times than not.

  Everytime I read your blog and read words written by the amazing women who post here I learn something more about myself and how I think.

  Continue to keep it real Jen!!

  Tracy