Just finished presenting with Molly and Micheal on the five unspeakable truths about coaching… we named fear as the underlying emotion of coaching, then wanting to be adored by your clients, despising your clients, and your coaching not working. We asked people to name their own unspeakable truths and write them on index cards, leaving them at their tables. Everyone walked around looking at the cards – it blew me away — a breath of authenticity in what can be the overly self-congratulatory and ra ra mood of a coaching conference.
I loved representing the shadow — I dressed in black and enjoyed myself as much as I can these days.
I’m tired of feeling flat. One-dimensional. I feel like when I smile at people, they must know how fake I’m feeling.
2 responses so far ↓
1 Tracy Nov 3, 2006
I hate feeling flat too. The thing that I try to remind myself when I’m going through the lows is that one day I will turn a corner. All of a sudden that safe dark shadowy place on the ground becomes a little further away as my arms stretch up and I feel that other things are possible, that life can begin to feel richer again. Dreams. Desires. Hope. Its in the face of shadow that we can begin to see glimmers of light, and that for you will come. Give yourself the time you need Jen, and in time that smile won’t feel fake anymore.
Warm hugs,
Tracy
2 Dinah~ Nov 3, 2006
HI Jen,
I think that addressing the shadow for coaches is invaluable. About five years ago I was in a year long program to get certified as a “shadow integration coach” with Debbie Ford.
During one of the intensives as 60 of us gathered in San Diego, we were to dress up as our most feared shadow. I was Incompetent Irma. I dressed in a business suit that was too small and had buttons missing. My make up was on weird and I was constantly falling over because of the awkward looking high heels. I was waiving my business card in front of everyone telling them how much they needed my services but were too blind to see. I couldn’t give my card to anyone because it was my last one and I didn’t have any more money to buy more!
I had a brief case full of my work which of course would spill out everywhere when I fell. I was lecturing to people on why they needed me, but noone was listening which made me talk louder.
I went on stage with Debbie and I made her promise to get me on Opra with her. Everyone was laughing histerically the entire time I was up there.
Ariel Ford (her sister) made an appearance that evening. I became her worst nightmare too as I hounded her about my work which I desperatly wanted her to publish. It was falling out everywhere as I was pleading for Ariel to read at least a few pages.
I was playing out the collective shadow of all the coaches there whether they realized it or not. I was their worst nightmare. I was doing some personal shadow work myself as well by parading around the fancy hotel on a Saturday night in my Irma costume. People were put off by me and gave me disgusted looks. Irma was my worst nightmare too.
I had one of the best evenings of my entire life because I was able to combine my acting abilities, do some self stalking, be a trigger for the collective coaching shadow, and yet be detached…watching myself, my feelings, the reactions of others and on and on.
Talk about deep desire. If I could figure out how to make money at that, I couldn’t imagine anything better.
In love for the shadows in us all! May we recognize, embrace, and integrate them.
Daina (Dinah)
Midlife Fairy Godmother Enterprises