I am a glutton. It’s the passion of us 7’s on the Enneagram (also perhaps Scanners or Renaissance Souls?). It may not be about food (although that fits for me) but a glutton for anything — experience, doing, seeing, touching, hearing, learning, etc.. I can feel like a giant mouth searching for things to CONSUME.
Which can be really really fun, if I am keep coming back to the place of “Nothing is required of me, there is nothing to do, nothing to complete, nowhere to get to.” (I learned “Nothing is required of me from Maryam Webster.) When I’m not in that place, that gluttony is far from fun — it’s desperate, grasping, and driven. And did I mention unattractive?
Building on my last post, the best way to get to this place of acceptance / nothing required is through the body. For me, that could mean screaming, shaking, rolling on the floor moaning: letting my body vent the frustration it feels at being pushed and shoved into proving or accomplishing, letting my mind clear itself, letting my energy settle.
Then I like to practice what spiritual teacher Adyshanti calls True Meditation: “In true meditation all objects are left to their natural functioning. This means that no effort should be made to manipulate or suppress any object of awareness. In true meditation the emphasis is on being awareness; not on being aware of objects, but on resting as primordial awareness itself. Primordial awareness (consciousness) is the source in which all objects arise and subside.” SoundsTrue has two good introductions to his work.
It means being aware without changing or manipulating what you are experiencing (that would include judging yourself for having said experience or wishing it away or blaming it on someone else);
These days, it’s a very challenging practice for me because it means being aware of my intense hunger to DO. To be aware and not act on nor judge nor push away this desire is, at times, agonizing.
Can you relate? Are you a glutton, do you get trapped in doing? Do you find yourself going from one idiot task to the other (and feeling very virtuous while doing it — my favorites include folding the blankets in the living room, cleaning up art supplies, and cleaning up the kitchen). I’d love to hear about your doing…
8 responses so far ↓
1 Lisa Jun 11, 2007
Wow! This post is spot on for me right now! I, too, struggle with this. I’ve become more aware of it lately, becoming the witness. It’s almost comical at times, the urge I get to be “do-ing” something. It’s sooooo compelling. I have to stop and practice some serious self-talk to break the cycle. I then give myself permission to not do that which I am so compelled to do. This takes daily training but can be quite liberating.
My do-ing usually has to do with running errands. I feel the urge to go shopping when I have a house FULL of food and books and CD’s and jewelry and clothes and antiques, etc, etc, etc! It’s quite crazy really.
My mother is 78 and she is a classic example of this. Perhaps it could be an inherited or learned behavior? I sense we find our worth in our accomplishments, no matter how small. And the doing keeps us from facing what’s unpleasant or uncomfortable within ourselves and our surroundings. Doing can be a great distraction!
Anyway, thank you for sharing. I appreciate your work and enjoy your blog.
2 Jodie Niles Jun 12, 2007
It’s funny. Right now I am, for the most part, unemployed. And have been for almost two months. And while a part of me is totally okay with that, in fact, more than okay, and expects only the best to come as a result of the situation, and embraces each day as an opportunity to learn and to “be,” the other part of me is saying, “DO” something! I go up and down from moments of sitting for hours on the couch listening to the summer outside, while reading some great books and learning a great deal, then trying to use this wonderful, blessed time to put those into practice….whether it’s a mindset, paradigm shift, meditation, manifestation, etc. Sometimes I even push myself too hard, as you said, during those times. “Am I doing this right?” “How should I be doing this?” “Waht should be happening?” “How will I know if I did it correctly?” It’s self-defeating, and I am aware of that. But again, compulsion.
God has purposely blessed me with this sacred time in my life to just “be,” but yet each day as I struggle with my situation and make new choices and ponder new thoughts, my ultimate feeling often ends up being: “Well I have to TO SOMETHING today,” of course, besides all the fluffy stuff. But, do I really? Probably not. I don’t HAVE to do anything but just “be.” However, in my case, right now, I’m not sure how that applies….if I just “be,” then I feel lazy, like I’m not making an effort to find a job or, in the case of the part-time work I am dabbling in right now, I am having to face a lot of uncomfortable issues with myself as I do it. “Fight or flight” is my usual response when the going gets tough. But I am making myself stick this one out, as I feel it’s important. But on the other days that I am home, my thoughts are, “What do I NEED to get done in order to feel like I DID something today?” No matter how into a book I am, how content I am just receiving messages and enjoying nature and the stillness, a small voice still tugs.
I think Lisa is right in that we feel a sense of accomplishment…but the better question is…is that a self-derived belief, or is it a result of what others expect from us, or the result of the common opinion?
As always, Jen, good to know I am not alone. I’ve been very patient with myself, even during the roughest of struggles lately, minute to minute, day by day, to forgive myself and remind myself that I am doing all I need to. It’s all in perfect Divine order. Old habits are hard to break. ;)
3 Tara Jun 12, 2007
Our new family schedule allows mom (me) every other Tuesday afternoon to DO whatever she pleases. Yet today, while I could have been soaking up my few hours of freedom from babies, work, and dish duty, I sat on a park bench with journal in hand, completely stumped. I wrote about ten pages of self-criticism for not spending my two hours more creatively and in a more inspiring place before I walked home the usual way. While I know I need to schedule time to DO NOTHING (or I’ll always be doing something), I also need to work on losing all personal expectations during these precious moments.
4 Rebecca Jun 13, 2007
Laughter….I am so the Queen of To Do. I am well aware of this need to always “do something”. I make to do lists just in case I forget. And I will sometimes keep the old ones, only partially checked off, just in case there was something not done that I might could do later, but forget to add to my next list. Never thinking that perhaps that is becuase it no longer needs doing. And should I not get something done I then feel guilty and miserable. When I am feeling out of sorts, I’ll sit and make a list - because I am sure that my unease is from something that needs doing - and if only I’d DO IT I’d feel better, all would be well. When I’m resting or relaxing suddenly I’ll jump up not able to just sit and enjoy the moment, but I must do something - one of those things on my endless “to do” list. I am sometimes unable to just let things go - but must immediately rush off to do, whatever it is that has caught my attention…..
except for the really important things….my art, watching the play of light, feeling the warmth of the sun, taking a nap, taking a walk, practicing yoga or meditation (it isn’t but a few seconds in meditation before I think of something that needs doing!).
I’m struggling with this right now. It is actually a relatively new thing. I think it stems in part from some changes in my life the last few years and a loss of a sense of control. They provide the illusion of control. Taking time for the important things, like art, naps and yoga - letting go of the busywork that distract me from those things that would feed my soul. I’m working on it…
5 Jennifer Louden Jun 14, 2007
Tara, I so relate. And I just wrote about this for my September column for B+S — - it’s so common both not knowing what to do and also what Rebecca experienced. Partly because we expect ourselves to be able to go from FULL THROTTLE to AHHH… we need rituals and ways to help our body transition… A new post perhaps!
It’s so good to know I’m not alone.
6 Maryam Webster Jun 14, 2007
Well since you asked…I find myself in gluttony over thinking. To think - to simply and purely be engaged in thought for recreation and the joy of thinking is soooo seductive and addicting. But thinking predisposes one to feeling obliged and entraps one in the delicious ooze of *not being present*. Eckhart Tolle says of this: “..identification with thinking gives rise to and maintains the ego, which, in our Western society in particular, is out of control. It believes it is real and tries hard to maintain its supremacy by engaging thought processes…”
When I think, my ego puffs up and feels important about itself. “These are the thoughts of an intelligent person, an academic, an expert in my field! Ho, ho, ho, aren’t I important? I’m so very precious!” thinks the ego. Mindfulness meditation is very freeing in that is calls one to gently bring the attention back to no-thought, just pure awareness. And it is when not thinking that I realize that nothing is truly required of me. I must only live with authenticity, enjoy life and be in deep and continual gratitude for all the rich gifts that I am / we are presented with daily.
You are one such gift. Thank you Jenny Bee, for expressing the gift you are to the world…
Bright Blessings, Maryam
7 Carole Aug 8, 2008
I immediately opened this when I saw the title and was delighted to see you refer to yourself as a “7” or a “Scanner.” It’s validating to know we are a group and one in which I am proud to claim membership.
I am about to turn 60, look 40 and have had about 20 different professions. I’ve owned a Destination Management Company, a low-fat catering company, been Development Director of a major non-profit, arranged logistics for spiritual cruises, written freelance articles about lots of things, gotten a Masters of Nutrition at 50, and now at 60 I am a Spa Director for a luxury Caribbean resort. I just can’t stop doing!!!! Thanks for everything you do, Carole
8 Kate Nov 7, 2008
“Scanners or Renaissance Souls”
Wow, that is so me. I have trouble doing anything because I want to do everything. I felt terrible about my inability to ‘settle’ for many years - thought I must just be lazy or selfish or fussy. It’s only really this year that I’ve realised and accepted that actually I just work slightly differently from most people, and that’s ok.
Of course it does present some challenges around work and money, not being able to bear a conventional job for any length of time. But thanks to Havi and Naomi I’m feeling hopeful about that for the first time ever, and feeling excited about my new entrepreneurial way of thinking and the idea that I can do many different things, both simultaneously and sequentially.
And once you remove the idea that whatever you pick you have to do forever, it makes doing things that much easier. If you think you’re stuck with one choice, it’s hard to gather enough commitment to any one idea to actually start working on it. Now I know I can do X right now and something else next month it makes it actually possible for me to commit myself and actually do X.