I’ve been shedding the “old” me since I was divorced 3 years ago. I don’t even know who I am now, or what is going on…does this process always take this long?

Who is the person who was a horse person? Who is the scientist? These versions are no longer me, and there is no definition of the present me to take their place. I’ve lost my dad and am losing my mom. My grandson is now 13 and more interested in friends than hanging out w. me, which is normal, and i”m glad! However!

I am no longer interested in riding horses, which has been my “thing” my whole life. I have many horse friends, which I now see very little of, because we went riding together: they still do; I don’t. My work friends, I see occasionally, but I haven’t worked at my old company for 10 years, and they are married guys, so that is very limited! Living in a rural area is a problem, cuz most things that interest me are 30 plus miles away….not insumountable, but not very convenient! Changing houses isn’t in the cards at the moment.

My father passed away in April, my mother is very ill, and I’ve been going back and forth to Indiana the past 2.5 years to help her with her affairs. Any day now, she will join him. There is the usual sadness, and also multitudes of problems that were dealt with and continue. YOu know the drill. So do most others my age!

So, here are some things I am doing to take good care of myself in my darker times.

I exercise: that means walking, weights, stretching, pilates, anything I can think of to move my body.
Breathing: S. Gawain in Creative Visualization has some good exercises for clearing chakras and they work well for me.
Reading Wendy Palmer’s book on aikido and beginning to do some centering exercises and taking care of my field.
Reading any of my books about meditation, your books, camille and lorins’ books.
Remembering to make a gratitude list as often as possible!
Re-read for 12 weeks and kept a notebook of morning pages recommended in Julia Cameron’s The Artists Way.
Playing piano 2-4 hours a day, most days.
Preparing and giving a piano concert (yes, me, playing 8 songs) to 8 friends, who video’d is for my mom!!! Afterward, I had goodies and wine for them and we chatted for hours!

this may sound like a lot, but it’s been 3 years!

Oh, yes, going outside in nature and walking is something I do every day!

Also, I have taken 2 courses at a community college. Gets me out there to see people of the younger age: huge variety of types of kids, these!

Oh, yes, now I’m watching my thoughts a lot because they start the downward spiral, which then leads to that icky, depressed, lifeless feeling in my body….

Well, I do still eat chocolate. Perugina, dark, with almonds.

May the light shine brighter for us all!

Maybe looking to help someone (whether it’s animal or human) or volunteering in some way with a group without expectations would help … I’ve also volunteered as a classroom ‘reader’ (listening to a small child read, one on one) for two years – very rewarding!

I find it easy to be depressed this time of year (weather & darkness) and keep up my walking outisde to make a difference!

I’m always amazed when your writing ends up having double and triple meanings for me. As many know, I’m facing a year of my husband being in Iraq, and doing everything possible to not let the darkness of that situation engulf me. It’d be so easy to lock myself in a very dark closet with my pillow and not come out until he comes back home.

Instead, I’m gently guiding myself each day to follow my daily routines, be very kind and gentle with myself, pamper myself as needed, cook good food, indulge my senses each day, and most of all to be grateful each day for blessings that I am gifted with.

Well, irony of ironies, we had almost hurricane force storms blow through Hawaii the past two nights, and guess what? We are now literally in the DARK! I can only laugh at about it at this point, the other option might lead to me being put in a padded cell!

Starbucks has been my saving grace, I camped out the whole day yesterday with my laptop, kept my cell charged for calls from my sweet husband, chatted not only with others who were escaping power outages, but bumped into my neighbors too. It became an impromptu party!

I’m back again this morning, just hoping that by sometime this afternoon we have power at home again. Though I’m good at a little camping at home and never forgot my Girl Scout “be Prepared” attitude. Two days is more than enough camping for me thank you!

A little dark is good, plants relax and let the sap settle into their roots, seeds germinate, compost becomes fertile, animals rest and hibernation can occur, but eventually the light has to return to wake up the sleepy world. Just like the morning after Winter Solstice each year, the Sun does rise, becoming a little brighter each day, bringing forth new growth and abundance that would never have been possible without a the darkness.

Blessing to you all wonderful Ladies!
Diedra