If you have followed me for any length of time, it’s kind of hard to miss that I’m a retreat proselytizer.

I believe in the power of retreats to restore our knowing that it’s our birthright to bloom.

It’s your birthright to to be who we are, wholly and truly and completely, and shine that self in the world.

Retreats rekindle the flame of your life so that you never ever give up on yourself again — no matter what.

I don’t believe this – I know it - through experience – mine own and thousands of retreat participants over 18 years.

You know what else I know?

Sometimes, you don’t need a retreat. Sometimes, you need to be in action.

Sometimes you must show yourself that you can do what you think you can’t.

Case in point: yesterday, I was having a really rough day – the second in a row. I’m not ready to say why things were so hard but what I am willing to share is how negative I became.

I started identifying with my difficulties and taking them as proof I was incapable.

I started believing my story that I was screwed.

When I find myself in this mood – plus exhausted from not sleeping and having to get up at 5:30, – I often like to retreat to my bed, with a good book, then a nap.

Which I did.

Which was very, very good.

An hour and half later, however, it was choose life time.

I woke up and I didn’t want to get up. I told myself I hadn’t slept the night before, this was all so much to deal with, things were so hard, I deserved the rest of day off…

Deserved: where my personal warning bell goes off.

Whenever I use the word “deserving” with myself, I pause and get really curious because it usually means I’m falling into a “poor me” story.

A victim story.

A story in which I collude with the parts of me that want to retreat from life.

(The retreats I lead and practice are about moving toward life; they  includes rest – god yes – but rest that renews you so you can claim your voice, your truth, and live it.)

I wanted to hide, not rest.

I wanted to be saved, not renew my belief in myself.

When I find this dark undertow trying to pull me down, it’s time to take simple action.

To pick one thing to do and do it.

Not a bunch of things, one thing, that can be done and completed.

And then pause and ask myself, “What do I know now?”

Why action?

Because when I fall into a victim story, I begin to believe I will never create anything again.

The mind loves the story that you are screwed, forever and ever.

The very quickest, surest, most amazingly effective way out of this story – without arguing with your mind – is to take action.

But do it kindly!

Hugely important, don’t skip this step!!!!

Do not bully yourself into action.

Do not shove, push, man handle or shame.

That will only give you bruises and I will not let you be mean to yourself (I have magic comfort queen powers, so be warned!)

Get into action kindly.

Personally, I take care of the parts of me that want to hide.

I take them by the hand and say, “Sweetie, baby, darling get out of bed.”

I speak kindly and firmly, “I know it’s hard to do this and we are going to feel better once we do. I know this and you can trust me.”

(It would be easier for me to bully myself into taking action, as that is far more familiar. Buck up! That was the message I was raised on, it served me when I was younger, and I’m proud of being tough. Yet every time I do it, I collapse soon afterward. So even though it can set my teeth on edge to be this patient with the recalcitrant parts of myself, I do it. It saves time in the end.)

My point?

Retreats save your heart. They untangle the knots of life and give you permission to be who you are – and love that self madly.

And sometimes, you need action.

It needn’t be an either – or.

But do check in with yourself.